IF comp 2010 – The 12:54 to Asgard

October 29, 2010

Well hello Mr Wheeler.  You are a dude, right?  I’ve heard of you.  Nice blurb by the way, and i see you have a lovely colour piccy too.  Always good to have a nice colour piccy.  Puts me in a good mood right from the start.

Oh… and you get an immediate extra point for this,

[…]Is this it?  Is this all there is?

I knoooowwww… i feel the same way.

I’m gonna assume you’re a dude though.  Let’s play some dude-type stuff then.

Cripes, that one was close.  Did a cow just explode?

Heh heh.  I’ve always thought humour and IF go well together.  This is a good sign.

So, this is about a maintenance guy that’s called in to work to fix a leaky roof.  I’m not actually a great fan of this type of find stuff and then fix stuff kind of thing, but this one’s got a little surprise in store.  Actually it’s probably not too much of a surprise since we’re told in the blurb we’re going to,

[…]explore the highs and lows of life and afterlife[…]

…so clearly i’m gonna die at some point, which is ok since i’m supposed to.  So that’s ok then.


*** Your story continues, but it is you who shall write it ***

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game, UNDO your last move, or QUIT?

Good ol’ xyzzy.  It seems to have become a bit of an IF tradition to include a little nod to the good/bad old days(delete as applicable).

I’m wandering around now trying to find stuff.  When i encounter a game where i have to wander around trying to find stuff, i tend to just get all at every given opportunity so’s i don’t have to stop what i’m doing at some point a hundred moves in to go find the one thing that i didn’t bother getting earlier.  Works more often than not too.  Didn’t work so well in that bible one as i recall.  Just ended up getting frustrated while trying to load everything onto the camel and failing.  Still, always worth a try, and it seemed to work this time.  There’s a suitcase too, which is handy.  Not that i seemed to drop anything or was stopped from taking anything at any point anyway, but as it turned out, i needed the case later to help fix the leak.  Speaking of which, i fell to my death at this point and things got a little weirder.  Not a bad weird, just weird.

Death prods you again with his toe.

Nice… who’d have thought being prodded by Death’s toe could cheer me up.  I like being prodded by death’s toe.  I’m gonna do it again,

Death prods you again with his toe.

Heh heh…

>x death
Long, black, hooded robe. Hourglass hanging from neck. Bones for hands and feet. Harvesting tools. Let’s face it:

*** You have died ***

Heh heh… i like this.  Dying’s always funny, right?  I love a good chuckle at the dead and the dying.

So anyway, i hit the walkthrough a lot.  A couple of times earlier if truth be known, but now i’m pretty much hanging off the walkthrough like my life(death) depended on it.  I’d have marked it down a bit for that if it hadn’t amused me so much so far.

I’m now doing the stuff the walkthrough tells me to and clearly getting different descriptions than i should be.  I heavily suspect that i’ve missed something earlier and so won’t be able to follow the walkthrough any more.  I also think that i may have put the game into an unwinable situation(but i may just be a bit thick).  I’ve tried the relevant commands according to the walkthrough but am getting nowhere and so take drastic action in the vein hope it may help(oops!).  It didn’t help.  Take a look,

>attack death
Death raises his scythe with both arms and brings it down upon you with a quickened slash. You are cleaved in two parts at the waist, your upper half falling into the river, which boils cold around you, freezing you in ice. Your still-kicking legs are thrown in after you, and you watch their quiescence with no faint horror.

The current carries you downstream, frozen, halved, dead and aware… oblivion comes slowly. The dark frozen silence, the madness-inducing loneliness, is eternal.
There is nothing beyond the door but chaos.

Yeah… probably shouldn’t have done that.

>x me
You have no recollection.

You hear nothing unexpected.


There is no up or down, or in or out, or side to side, or alive or dead, or vision or blindness, or health or sickness. Neither darkness nor light. A seething ruin, a boiling of time, a crazed stir of constant annihilation, the end result of infinite entropy, neither beginning nor end.

Oh dear.  Doesn’t sound good.


Optimistic i know, but still…

Time passes.

Waited a lot actually.  Still nothing.

>x me
You have no recollection.

You hear nothing unexpected.

You smell nothing unexpected.

>x river
You can’t see any such thing.

>touch river
You can’t see any such thing.

Mmmm… Not going well at all now.

>fuck you
Real adventurers do not use such language.

Well i’m frustrated now.

Are you sure you want to quit?

Hell yeah.  I really am…  Which isn’t to say i didn’t like the game.  I did.  I just missed something earlier which meant the walkthrough couldn’t help me and there are no hints either so it all just went to hell then.  My fault of course, i’m just saying… ya know…

All right, i really shouldn’t have attacked Death.  That was just frustration.  Did i put it in an unwinnable position?  Don’t know.  Maybe.  After all, once you’ve attacked Death himself, what can you expect.

I’m giving it an awesome 8.  For the humour, Death and the fact that i messed up not the game.


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