IF comp 2010 – Death Off the Cuff

October 16, 2010

Shane Pearson is sitting in the couch with her legs crossed.

Now wait just one second there mister…  Shane is most certainly NOT a girl’s name.  I have it on very VERY VERY good authority that Shane is a very VERY VERY manly name.  In fact, i’m pretty sure Shane is one of the most manly names you’re ever likely to encounter across the whole of the multiverse.

Of course if Shane were a girl, i’m pretty sure she’d look something like this,

>x shane
Shane Pearson is a tall slender woman with semi long blond hair that just barely reaches her shoulders. Her book, How Blue Was the Sky, recently hit the bestseller list. What she is doing in England is anyones guess.

Oh yeah…  if i were gay i’d soooooo fancy Shane… COS SHANE’S A GUY’S NAME!!!

Anyway, this is about Hercule Poirot(yes it is…) and a group of suspects, one of whom’s a transsexual called Shane.

Ok, so we start off by eXamining everything in sight including the people.  Nothing special there.  Always do that anyway no matter what the game or situation.  But wait… there’s something wrong here.  Could it be that one of our suspects isn’t what they seem?  Well yes… yes it could.

Now don’t get me wrong, i’ve nothing against transsexuals per se.  I’m sure they’re very nice people, all told.  But please, if you’re going to have a transsexual character in your game then at least have the gumption to admit to it.  Let’s not go around all the time pretending Shane is just your average little lady when we all know full well that Shane IS A GUY’S NAME. Now i wouldn’t wish to labour the point but, well… SHANE’S A F@#KING GUY’S NAME.  <sigh>

So, in this game we have to keep doing this,

>t shane
[1] Motive
[2] Alibi
[3] General comments

“Shane Pearson did not appear to have any motive for the crime, but Monsieur Saint Germain is never deceived by appearances. She is a writer, and a writer is always looking for new inspiration. Perhaps she had decided to take her research a step too far.”

“I don’t write crime novels,” says Shane. “I always found the genre rather tawdry.”

Heh…  you’re a one to be talking about tawdry young lady/man.

[1] Alibi
[2] General comments

…oh, and the other two options scroll up the screen as well which translates as just keep pressing 1 until the conversation is exhausted.  So, we do this for all the characters until there’s no more info to be gleaned and then start re-eXamining everything/everyone to see if anything’s changed.  And then we talk about stuff like,

>talk about beard


>talk about desk

and eventually(remarkably quickly in fact) we get to a point where one of the options in the conversation menu is,

[1] Accuse so and so…

The italics are mine obviously.  Well i wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.  OK then, i will admit to having forgotten to type transcript.  Oh, and i’ve also forgotten who the hell it was that did it.  Well Jesus… it was bad enough that i had to remember to keep typing 1, without having to remember details like what the story was or who did it.

But i did at least remember one thing.   SHANE’S A TRANSSEXUAL, But don’t tell anyone cos i’m pretty sure no-one’s supposed to know.

So on the Riff scale, i think an okay 6 does it.  For the blatant plagiarism, the attempt at conversation and the sheer nerve at making Shane a girl.

No fluff for you young man.



  1. Shane is a not-impossible birth-name for an American girl born after, say, 1990. But given the time period, boy’s names for girls are really unlikely, and Shane wasn’t even that popular a boy’s name — the popularity of Irish-derived names for non-Irish Americans didn’t kick in until considerably later.

    The only way I can make sense of it is that she has a male pen-name, and goes by it when travelling or whatever. (More probable, o’course, is that this follows the pattern of naming historical characters through the lens of modern naming tastes.)

  2. Perhaps it’s a Miles Franklin sort of thing.

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