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IF comp 2009 – Spelunker’s Quest

November 7, 2009

Here we are at the end of our great quest then. And how appropriate that our last game to review is one that has the word quest in the title. I know, i’m reaching here. Literally.

No, i’m joshing of course, it’s not that bad. Not quite that bad anyway.

Well, it’s pretty bad.

Anyway, in the words of a really angry little sausage,

Spelunker’s Quest. Caves and shit.

>xyzzy
You say “XYZZY!” aloud.  For a moment, it is pitch black.  Then, you find that you are in a familiar place.

Nice!

I find myself on a hillside, where i slip and bang my head and die.  Oh well.  I don’t know what else i expected.  The message doesn’t vary, incidentally, no matter what direction you take.  Yep.  I tried them all.  Sad, i know.

Looks like we’re heading south then.  Either that or the hole.  The hole is clearly there for later.  I think.  Maybe i should jump down the hole.  Ya know.  I’m gonna do it.  I’m gonna jump down that hole.  Here we go then.

>jump in hole
You jump into the hole!

After plummeting for a couple of seconds, you land upon a rock floor!  You have landed well and have not been injured.

No.  Really?  I thought i was a gonna.  I fully expected to be a gonna. (that’s not how you spell gone-a is it?)

>n
You begin to walk north.

After a short while, you hear scampering to the north.

The scampering draws near!

A large, unseen creature bites you fiercely, mortally wounding you!

*** You have died; you shall not escape from the cave. ***

heh heh heh.  I’m dying a lot here, but then it’s not as though i didn’t expect it, and it’s all in good fun.

>restart

Onwards and upwards, so they say.

>get key
Taken.

Think i’m gonna need that.

>search sofa
You remove the sofa cushions, revealing a collection of gold coins that had been concealed under the cushions!

>get coins
Taken.

[Your score has just gone up by four points.]

Couldn’t i just type score or something instead?  I’m sure that used to be a thing?  You know?  Like a thing?

There’s a lot of tunnels providing ample illumination, by the way.  Not that there’s anything wrong with ample illumination.  Just, maybe vary it a bit.  S’ all i’m saying.  So, now i’m in a storage room containing a miner and a chest.  What’s the odds it’ll ask what i want to unlock it with.

>unlock chest
What do you want to unlock the chest with?

I know Pissy Little girly, i know.  There, there…

So, what’s in here then?  A snarling goblin ya say?  Well, well, well…

>kill goblin
What do you want to kill the snarling goblin with?

<sigh again with a little whimpering>

Incidentally, it’d be quite nice if this game wasn’t quite so obvious.  Much as i like finding stuff and killing stuff(no that’s not right) it would have been nice if this game had led us somewhere else.  Ya know?  Just, anywhere else really.  Treasure, attacking goblins, blah blah, been there, blah blah, done that etc…

And that square-brackety-score thingy is happening again.  You know i don’t like that.  Bad boy.

And this gun looks like it might have been planted here for a reason too.  Still, might be fun blowing stuff away(ge’ez, can’t believe how violent these modern computer games are.  It’ll be the downfall of society as we know it.  You mark my words young man.) <sniff>

OK, think i’ve pretty much exhausted my passageways here.  Nowhere left to go.  Hang on a minute.  What if when i jump in the hole, i turn on my miner’s helmet lamp.  Oh yes!  Then the grue won’t get me.

>jump in hole
You jump into the hole!

After plummeting for a couple of seconds, you land upon a rock floor!  You have landed well and have not been injured.

>turn on lamp
You turn the cap lamp on and find that you can see further to the north, where the rock floor extends out of sight, and to the west, where a murky underground lake extends out of sight.

Oh yeah.  I’m a genius.  I knew it all the time.  You did too didn’t you?  Yeeeeesssss ya did!

A rodent.  Hah, you’re dead.

Another eight three-foot tall rodents are closing in on you!

Awwww crap.  I know where this is going.

>kill rodents
What do you want to kill the rodents with?

>sword
You draw your sword and brace yourself!  Two of the rodents lunge at you!  You strike one forcefully, preventing it from biting you!  The other bites you fiercely, mortally wounding you!

*** You have died; you shall not escape from the cave. ***

Yep.  Thought so.

Well, what can i say except, I BLOODY KNEW THAT WAS GONNA HAPPEN.

 

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