IF comp 2009 – The Grand Quest

October 29, 2009

Ah-hah. A grand quest.

Must be good. Hope there’s not a cave crawl in it though. D’ ya think there’s gonna be a cave crawl? Dammit. There is isn’t there? There’s gonna be a sodding cave crawl.  Maybe it’ll have a cave crawl, and it’ll be good. Huh…? huh…?

No. No, maybe not.

Ok then,

>Take lamp

…and off we go!

You seek it. While you’ve had a job, a family, your thoughts were always looking forward, dwelling on

Duh duh duuuuhhhn!

The Grand Quest
An interactive struggle 2009 […]

Oh yeah.  Oh sweet man.  You can almost see the author drooling at this point.  He does love his goblet does our Owen.

Entrance Room Behind you is the entrance that you worked so hard to find. To the north, a craggy passageway leads into the distance, spotted with small pools of lava and cracks.

Cave crawl.  Cave crawl.  Uh… crap, it’s a cave crawl.

>x locket
Inside, there are two strands of hair. One from your wife Sarah, and one from your son James.

Awwwwww… Owen, i feel i like you already.

>x me
You’re a little tired, but otherwise all right. The excitement is keeping you alert.

Huh!  Excitement?  I’ve missed something!  I have haven’t i?  i’ve missed something.

Ooooooo Poetry Room.  Poetry’s cool.  Yes it is.  No, i’m not a girl.

>x inscription
My first is at the end of the worst of all places.
My second is at the beginning of royal water.
My third is a worker or monarch, in a fortress of sixes.
My fourth is before the drink in art.
My fifth is after the water in cat.
Who am I?.

Fucked if i know Owen my old son.  No good at puzzles, me.

“Now, time for introductions. I don’t care to hear your name, or to tell you mine. But I’ve placed a clue to the latter in there with you.

Work it out, and I’ll let you walk on a bit further.”

Er, time for introductions, but you don’t want to hear my name or to tell me yours.  Hmmmm.  What’s that about then Owen?  Oh wait, is this part of the riddle?  No?  Oh.

What’s these then matey?

>x stools
They look fairly comfortable. From the way they’re positioned, it seems as though this room was used for readings.

>sit down
I didn’t understand that sentence.

>sit on stool
That’s not something you can sit down on.

Oh well, no-one’s perfect.

So, back to the riddle then.  Haven’t the faintest really.  Can’t be walkthrough time already.  Can it?


Poetry Room:

Wait for the question, then type ‘Labra’. Go north.

Labra?  Nope, still don’t get it.  But i must say, i had worked out that each part of the riddle was a letter.  Is that good?  I bet it’s not is it?  I bet you all knew that without even batting an eyelid.

OK, so my little lady has just pointed out the error of my ways.  Must be easier for girly-types.  Multi tasking an’ all that. <sniff>  I actually got them as she said them, but still… <huff>  well, she’s soft and squidgy, so i think i’ll keep her.

On the left table are a 5-jin coin, three 50-jin coins, three 20-jin coins, three 10-jin coins and three 1-jin coins.

“Now, let’s see you use your head. Divide all the coins in this room into two piles of equal size, one on each table.”

What sort of guardian is this fellow?

Not a nice one, that’s for sure.  Is this gonna be on the test?

So what’s with this stray 5-jin coin then?  Whenever i try to drop coins or get coins or put coins, it does it for all but one lone little 5-jin coin.  Anyhow, this one was a bugger(what another one?).  More appeals to the walkthrough.  Oh, that’s it is it?  Well, i knew that all along.  So adding it all up and dividing it in two.  I knew that all along.  I did.

Bureacracy Room
“Now, a test of your listening and speaking skills.”

“If you give me an incorrect answer, I’ll leave the gate locked and you’ll have to magic your way out of here.”

Ah, the ol’ magic word.  xyzzy.  No?  Nothing?  Nothing at all?  WHY THE HELL NOT?

“What answer to this question is not correct?”

Uh!  What question’s that then mate? Hello…? Heeeelllloo-o?

Well now chummy, i’ve just about had enough of your riddling little ways for one lifetime.

You find yourself outside, and you can’t find a way back in.

*** Escape ***

Would you like to RESTART, RESTORE a saved game or QUIT?-

Is that it?  I mean, really…?

I knew that magic word was crap!


  1. “What answer to this question is not correct?”

    Uh! What question’s that then mate? Hello…? Heeeelllloo-o?

    That is the question. It’s a variation of “This sentence is false.”.

    • Oh-oh-oh-oooohhhhhhh! (is that too many oh’s d ‘ya think?)

      I really am thick aren’t i?

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