IF comp 2009 – zork, buried chaos

October 11, 2009

Ooooo….!! a zork themed thingy. This is going to be sooooooooo cool, i just know it is. Ah, my warm and fluffy little zork. How i love thee. goddamnit. Curse those thee’s. Aaarrrggghhhh… i can feel myself slipping into ye olde world speech.

Screw it. I have beer so all’s well in the world. Now, lets throw ourselves into a grue type situation.

Ah, the old mailbox/crate switch-er-roo. Very good. Very cuddly. I like it. And look, there’s a little map in there too which i don’t seem to be able to do anything with. Oh well, maybe later. I like that there’s something wonderful to look forward to besides the grue. He’s here isn’t he? But hey, what a great start though. We’re underground, which is always good. It is. It bloody well is, i’m telling you. Oh OK, it’s a bit crap, but this game has zork in the title so it’s got to be good, right? right? Go on, admit it, you love being underground in a zork-type mine with a little brass lantern and a leaflet/map which has no purpose but may do later on but it doesn’t look likely so i doubt it

And i’ve run out of beer now, so Mr ‘zork, buried chaos’ is in for a rough ride here on out.

Incidently, ‘>get all except crate’ works which pleased me a lot more than it probably should have done, especially since for all i know it could very well be hard wired in rather than the author – a Mr bloodbath, no less – paying attention. Anyhow, i liked it. I fluff you Mr bloodbath.

A hole. hhhmmmm. Now i just know it would be really stupid to jump into that hole.


Oh crap, a maze! Well actually to be fair i did press the button first. But hey, if there’s a button, then of course i’m going to press it. And when i examined it, it said there was nothing special about it. Like fluff there wasn’t. It threw me into a sodding maze. Nope, actually that default response was absolutely right. There is nothing special about a maze, even if it is in a zork-type thingy.

Incidently, before i pressed the button, i found myself in darkness. This was a good sign i thought, i may have run out of beer but at least the darkness is a clear indication of a meeting with a grue. So, here goes then, i thought, and started wandering around aimlessly and randomly in the pitch dark with the intention of meeting the famous grue, when it happened.

Yep, that’s right. Absolutely nothing!

Now, surely if there’s one absolute guarantee, it’s that strolling around in the pitch darkness will earn you an entertaining but deadly little ass-whipping. Not here it doesn’t. I mean, what do think this is, ‘zork, buried chaos’ or something. Kind of lost heart a little after that, which is a shame really given the fact that i’m barely a few minutes in. Ah well, lets see if things start to look up anytime soon.


I wander off at this point in hopes of something a little less mazey. Huh! that rhymes with lazy. Lets have a go on this slide, just for the sheer hell of it. After all, it has to do something special since a slide is exactly what i’d expect in a mine.


There’s an obstruction half way down the slide.

>x it

The small slide is empty.

NO IT ISN’T! You said there was an obstruction half way down. You bloody-well did. You just said… oh never mind. Ya know, it’s this kind of thing that makes me realize why the good ol’ text adventure – what do ya mean it’s Interactive Fiction now? – really needs to give itself a good kick up the backside. It’s not that i don’t enjoy Mr bloodbath making me feel all superior and stuff, but really, after so many years and so much time and effort and all those decades of work by oh-so-many demi-gods/goddesses – you know who you are – of that wonderful IF community, i feel kind of sad that there’s stuff that should be there but isn’t and words like ’south’ spelt ’souoth’ – just a typo i know but even so.

Anyway, I’ve got to go and get coffee since the beer’s all gone – did i mention that? – and that girly vodka mixer stuff in the silver bottle with the gaudy purple colouring really doesn’t grab me much. Which means i can’t be a lush just yet or i’d drink it come what may.

may you be eternally fluffy.


  1. You played with game with much better assistance than I did.

    • hmmmmmmm…!

      Pretty sure that’s a thank-you. So, thank-you newlin. And an extra thank-you for being the 1st to comment.

      Have a fluff-ball!

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