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IF comp 2009 – Beta Tester

October 11, 2009

As CogCo Industries’ test rabbit, you have pasted on your head a set of CogCo Industries test-bunny ears and, upon your backside, a test-bunny tail.

Oh now that’s got my vote right from the start. bunny ears and bunny tail . You simply can’t go wrong when the first thing you do is paste bunny ears and tail onto the protesting – or not – player. It’s cruel and yet so, so right all at the same time. Anyway, let’s get on with this thing.

It was a good start, although he’s milked the ‘Pause’ section a little in my ever-so-humble opinion.

Incidently, i also have a bunny-eared backpack. Which is nice. Always good to accessorize, or so i’m told.

OK, i’ve got to get through this door. Lots of things to examine and pick up and put down and throw and chew etc… shame none of them actually get me any closer to the other side of the sodding door. I’m starting to get frustrated after a meesly 20 mins of putting this in that and swapping that for this and… ah fuck this sideways, i’m off to look at the walk-through. What? No walk-through? ah, crap. Oh well, looks like the hints will have to do then. What? No hints? What is this, ‘zork, buried chaos’ or something? Oh wait, that had a walk-through. On my own on this one then.

Where’s my beer?

So, apart from succeeding in getting nowhere, and i mean absolutely nowhere, i thought i was actually enjoying this game. But then the fluff cleared and nope, it turns out i’m not.

For starters, the Pause-ing keeps going and going and going and… well it just won’t let up. It was kind of amusing at the start, but now it’s just getting tedious, i mean really te-di-ou-s! it’s not that i’m not partial to a little silliness and offbeat humour – no really – but i kind of feel like this game is spoiling for a fight, asking for a kicking, begging to be smacked, gagging for a… ok, that’s enough. But you see my point? it just doesn’t pay to piss your target audience off to this extent.

Plus i’m stupid, and CAN’T GET THROUGH THE SODDING DOOR! but that has nothing to do with it. No, really it doesn’t. Well screw you then.

Where’s that beer?

[update]

Hah! i got through. And with no help from walk-throughs or hints or anything because there aren’t any. I know i said that already, but i feel it needs ramming home, with a really, really big stick preferably. It was pretty random admittedly, but i finally managed to get through the door. And what do i find upon entering the portal that stands angrily before me? Yep, i find myself deposited and stuck in another room pretty much like the previous one. It even has it’s own box. It’s purple!

Oh, that was easy. Much easier than the first one anyway. And there are some highly amusing moments in this game. I think i would have been happier if this room had been first though, since i suspect that some of you – you know who you are – will just give up before you really get going. Maybe i’m wrong. Maybe i’m projecting. Maybe i’m a bananna! Who knows? Yes. Yes i think that’s what i thought i thunk!

Anyway, i’m now in the lobby which is wide and spacious, and is apparently a jumping off point for all the fun places in the toy box. There are signs above the doorways.

>read western sign
Fun And Games

>read eastern sign
Exit

>read northern sign
(Words burned into a wooden food tray, surrounded by utensils)
Food And Cheer

hhhhmmmmm! Food And Cheer. Must be beer in there. North it is then.

Greymyrrh the Warrior from Nexdoorior , who happens to be the seating attendant, now proceeds to go through a whole screen-full of humorous – not – slapstick type stuff, with each new sentence punctuated by the now seriously annoying Pause-ing. There really doesn’t seem to be any reason for these endless pauses other than to piss me off and drive me to drink. OK, more drink. Now, usually anything that pursuades me to drink more beer is only ever a good thing, but in this instance i think we’ll put it down as a no-no. I mean seriously now, NO – NO!

At this point there doesn’t seem to be anything to do but try the northern door since we came in through the southern one. But surprise, we’re stopped by Greymyrrh because he doesn’t like our appearance. Taking off the bunny costume doesn’t help at all and talking to Greymyrrh hasn’t delivered anything worthwhile and i’m stuck again. Wait a minute. The matron. She said to ask her about getting out… i think.

Nope. Screw this. I’m going for coffee.

[update]

OK.  This is getting silly.  The review i mean, not the game.  Or is that the other way round?  Anyway, it’s gone on far too long so i’ll sum up what i think of it so far.  Here goes then.

Ahem!

All in all i think this is a very funny little gem of a fluff-ball – no higher praise is possible, trust me – it’s quite consistently amusing, xyzzy is implemented, which is always a must in any IF, it doesn’t take itself seriously but doesn’t overdo the silliness too much, but…

Those god-forsaken pauses are a real killer.

Oh, and i semi-apologize for the ‘no walkthrough’ comment above since i’ve discovered – via another reviewer – that there is in fact one.  Only semi-apologize?  Well yes, because having to type ‘walkthru’ – note the spelling – into the game and then go through yet more pausing and pausing and pausing and… fuck, we know you’ve just learnt – or are you pretending? – to do stuff with inform7, but for the love of all that’s fluffy, ENOUGH WITH THE SODDING PAUSES pleeeeeaaaassssseeeeeee.

So, get rid of the pausing and i’ll stop abusing you.  Thank you for listening.

fluff rules.

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